WITH all relatives and friends met and all obligations discharged, the entire UK is not open to seeing any f**ker this weekend.
Following a month of drinks with friends and meals with family and dinners and gatherings and Zoom calls, the country is planning to have nothing to do with anyone outside their immediate household until at least Monday.
Nathan Muir of Glossop said: “Door’s shut and door’s staying shut. The lot of them can f**k off.
“I’ve seen my parents, my brother, my sisters, all their twat partners and twat kids, my mates, my other lesser mates, all the other scattered relatives and lonely dickheads in my life. I’ve done my bit.
“They’ve had their time and what did they do with it? Whinged about Ron’s van and Mum’s arthritis and cousin Sarah’s terrible trouble with her wet room. No wonder I’m sick of the pricks.
“I don’t want to see so much as the Amazon guy. It’s blinds down, movies and videogames and blessed, blessed solitude for this dude.”
He added: “I’m having a one-man lockdown. And it’s going to be f**king brilliant.”