PEOPLE in the North will observe three days of mourning following the death of the founder of Pukka Pies.
Chip shops in the region will close as a mark of respect to their fallen hero and a 100-foot granite chicken and mushroom pie has been commissioned for the companys home town of Syston.
Carlisle taxis driver Wayne Hayes said: This must be what it felt like in America when Kennedy was shot.
“All the blokes in work are wandering around in a daze Fat Roy burst into tears when he heard the news, making him the first bloke to cry in Carlisle since 1872.
Ive rewritten that Don Maclean song so it says Bye bye, bloke who made lots of pies, Had a bevy with our Trev and we then bought four or five. Theyre good with sauce when drinking bitter or mild, singing thisll be the day that you died.
Im getting a tattoo done of it, next to my one of Eddie Stobart.
Pie is a staple foodstuff in the North, as the pastry casing leaves the Northerner’s other hand free to hold a glass or form a fist.
Pukka Pies became so popular in the region that Tyneside linguists claim the term pukka is not of Hindi origin, rather it is the Newcastle word for a persons pursed lips while sucking the gravy out of a minced beef and onion pie.
Hayes said: If Alfie Scraps, the inventor of the little bits of batter you get with your chips, dies then I dont think I can carry on.