Northerner abroad convinced he doesn’t count as English

A NORTHERN man on holiday thinks that ill feeling about the English does not apply to him

While on a two-week holiday in Thailand, Wayne Hayes has been nodding along whenever a negative opinion about the English has been put forward.

The Warrington plumber has so far agreed that they have bad teeth, do not tip and are all arseholes and wankers.

Hayes said: “When people are talking about the English being up their own arse, they only mean people from south of Birmingham.

“Last night some Irish lads were talking about it and I had to agree – the English are wankers. I think most of the bad stuff in history was done by people from Croydon.”

Hayes added: “On the other hand, whenever people say how great the English are they really mean us salt of the earth, gravy-on-your-chips Northerners.”