A NORTHERNER from near Leeds has had his Northern credentials challenged by a colleague from Newcastle.
Yorkshireman Wayne Hayes was telling fascinated colleagues at his office Christmas party that people are nicer up North, everyone says ‘hello’ and pints cost £2.50, when a co-worker from the Toon threatened his role as dominant Northerner.
Geordie Martin Bishop proceeded to out-Northern Hayes’ tales of pies and Test cricket at Headingley with stories of sinking Brown Ale, taking his shirt off at the footy and having once met Ant and Dec on a garage forecourt.
Hayes said: “I was minding my own business, calling everyone ‘duck’, really leaning into my accent, and showing off that I went to school with one of the Kaiser Chiefs, when Martin came swanning in.
“Does being from Newcastle make him more Northern than me? Geographically yes, but it’s actually only 94 miles above my house. I know that because Martin forced me to look it up on Google Maps in front of everyone.”
Bishop said: “I wouldn’t have bothered saying anything, but he kept going ‘ee bah gum’ for no reason and acting like a walking, talking Hovis ad.
“I don’t shout ‘Howay’ more than twice a day and talk about the 260 Premier League goals scored by Alan Shearer. And anyway Wayne acts like he’s salt-of-the-earth Yorkshire, when we all know he’s secretly from Harrogate.”
Both men were then trumped by their boss, Scot Bill McKay, who had a seemingly endless supply of ‘hard’ stories about Glasgow.