A SEASIDE town is being plagued by confrontations between rival youth fashion tribes.
Brighton seafront has witnessed tense stand-offs as hipsters and so-called ‘Nu-Lads’ make the resort a no-go area.
Locals have been terrorised by hipsters descending on the town en masse on their Penny Farthings, facing off against Nu-Lads on their ironic BMXs.
Nu-Lad Tom Logan said: “There’s no hope for me and my generation. All we’ve got for kicks is a fashion narrative that incorporates high end and low end labels from Lonsdale to Palace and a style aesthetic that combines activewear and neoprene.”
Bearded hipster Nathan Muir said: “If these Nu-Lads fancy a tear-up they’re welcome to it. Whether it’s a Krautrock karaoke smackdown or a cupcake bake-off, we’ll meet them anywhere, any time.”
May bank holiday has been scheduled for the next major clash between the two tribes, with all police leave cancelled amid fears of passive-aggressive sneering on the pier.
Tom Logan said: “We’re hoping the boys will come down in numbers even though Nu-Lads are entirely the figment of a Guardian writer’s imagination.”