CATHOLIC nuns have pledged to teach Tristram Hunt that he is a dirty boy who makes Jesus angry.
The day after the shadow education secretary questioned nuns’ teaching ability, Hunt was accosted outside his office, grabbed by the ear and thrown violently into the back of a black transit van which then drove away at high speed.
The Immaculate Sisters of Mary, a militant Catholic teaching brigade, claimed responsibility and promised to give Mr Hunt ‘a lesson in Christian love he is unlikely to forget’.
In a statement the Sisters said: “It seems young Mr Hunt has quite the tongue on him doesn’t he? No doubt that same tongue utters all kinds of filthy, mucky words. Like ‘fanny’.
“Dirty, nasty boy. Probably been up all night doing bad things to himself. Well, young Mr Hunt is about to get a lesson in what is good and what is bad.
“You can have him back when he’s learned how to get into heaven.”