Office git wearing scarf at desk

AN office poser has taken to wearing a scarf throughout the working day, not just when outside.  

Graphic designer Julian Cook removed his coat, hat and gloves when entering the office, but left his grey cashmere scarf draped around his neck as if it was necessary to protect him from chills.

Co-worker Carolyn Ryan said: “Nobody mentioned it until half-eleven, then Rina the intern blew the whole thing by asking him if he knew he’d forgotten to take his scarf off.

“He rolled out this pre-prepared speech about it being perfectly acceptable to wear a scarf indoors as a winter accessory and that ‘David Gandy does it’.

“It’s been tremendously harmful to productivity, because we’re all just sitting here staring at, and loathing, that scarf.

“He’s a very good designer, but it would be worth firing him.”

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Brain damage is absolutely the point, explain cannabis users

CANNABIS users have explained the brain damage they suffer is the only thing that gets them through the same episode of Friends for the 12th time.

A study found that regular smokers damage the connections in their brains just so they can enjoy playing a Call of Duty map they have played a thousand times before.

Joseph Turner, from Warrington, said: “When you can’t can’t follow a Steven Seagal movie and spend 20 minutes looking for the lighter in your hand, you know it’s not making you, you know… smarter.

“Are people watching the Midsomer Murders unstoned? What a shame.”

Dr Mary Fisher said: “Potent cannabis makes the brain’s white matter less efficient, so users can have difficulty following complex thoughts.

“Alcohol, on the other hand, affects a broader range of grey matter functions including movement, speech, judgement and memory.

“You should always use both.”