WITH energy bills expected to rise by £800 to a price cap of £2,800 in October, Ofgem have been asked what the actual f**k?
Worried Britons already struggling with the cost of living crisis would like the energy regulator to tell them where the shitting Christ they are meant to find the best part of another grand.
Helen Archer, from Swindon, said: “I mean, what more can be said than ‘What the bloody f**k, you total f**kers?’
“Energy bills have already gone up by an average £700 this year. Where am I meant to find another £800? Pull it out of my arse? Because that’s pretty much the only solution I can come up with.
“Privatisation was meant to provide us with cheap, competitively-priced energy. That would definitely happen, so you’d think there wouldn’t be much justification for fleecing us for several hundred more quid. Apart from naked greed on the part of shareholders, obviously.
“So again, as regulators of the UK’s gas and electricity markets, Ofgem, I would like to ask you: what the f**king bastarding f**k?”
An Ofgem spokesman said: “It’s a reasonable question. And the answer is, we don’t know. All I can suggest is stop using your heating, lighting, computer, oven and TV.”