GEORGE Osborne hopes to fix the economy by reversing the polarity of the pound.
Starting today, everyone must draw a minus sign on all their coins and bank notes.
Goods and services will be exchanged for the new ‘minus money’. A pint of milk will cost -50p, a loaf of bread -£1.30 and so on.
The move has immediately converted all debt to credit. Instead of a massive deficit, the government now has a trillion pound surplus.
George Osborne will celebrate by using some of the cash to buy everyone in the country a bottle of really good wine.
Roy Hobbs, chief analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin said: “Those dozen or so Britons who saved money and planned for their future now find themselves massively in debt.
“Simultaneously, people who had large amounts of debt are suddenly very rich. Consequently Greggs has raised its prices overnight, meaning a sausage roll now costs over -£12.
“They will also deliver nice wicker hampers stuffed with steak bakes.”
The Bank of England will shortly introduce official minus money banknotes. Instead of national heroes like Charles Darwin and Elizabeth Fry, the new Negative Notes will feature Piers Morgan, Peaches Geldof and Ashley Cole.