AVOID ever going outside, experts have warned.
Research by the Institute for Studies found that, unlike indoors, the exterior world does not have controllable temperatures, padded seating or drawers full of chocolate.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The purpose of the exterior world is for twats like Bear Grylls to make telly programmes about it.
“The outdoors doesn’t have a roof on it, which is why it’s always raining or snowing. The streets and hedgerows are full of old plastic bags, cans and crisp packets.
“There are crisp packets in my house too, but they have crisps in them.”
Emma Bradshaw, from Stevenage, said: “I work from home and the last time I left the house was just before New Year’s Eve.
“I’ve stuck my head out of the front door a couple of times, it was so dark I couldn’t see a fucking thing.”