Parenting 'basically stops after second child'

PARENTS just let their offspring get the f**k on with it when they have more than two children.

Research shows that mothers and fathers of three or more basically give up and devote their attention to more interesting less stressful activities.

Mother of three, Karen Foster, said: “By the time you get to your third child, you realise that no matter what parenting techniques you use or how many organic meals you prepare from scratch, your child will turn out ok. 

“And even if they don’t, it’s fine, because you’ve still got another couple of kids that might.

“But mostly, we just don’t care anymore.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, added: “Parents of first or second children will respond to a child’s scream by immediately providing comfort and reassurance.

“Parents of three or four kids are more likely to yell – ‘is there any blood?’ from comfort of the sofa.”

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Company holds productive meeting by accident

A COMPANY has admitted a productive meeting was held in their offices by accident.

Employees confirmed the meeting began and ended on time, the video conferencing software worked and no-one talked out of their arse at any point.

Martin Bishop said: “No-one needed to pop out for a coffee, or to get a chair, or to go looking for that f*ckwit Martin who said he’d just be a minute but perhaps didn’t know what room we’d ended up in.

“Then, someone had a clear objective and we all discussed it and agreed on next steps, without anyone talking bollocks for half an hour.

“It was quite traumatic actually. I had to take the rest of the day off and recover by having a nice, soothing wank while ‘working from home’.”