Parents being weirdly nice to 16-24 year olds

PARENTS of young adults across Britain have been acting sheepishly this week, it has been confirmed.

Their actions have become more and more furtive as the week has progressed, leaving the younger demographic puzzled and suspicious.

No cause has been identified but those in their first decade of voting eligibility report receiving apologetic smiles and small, inexpensive gifts.

Engineer Tom Logan said: “The last time dad was acting like this was just before he decided to spend my university savings on a conservatory. I distinctly remember him being really nice, but also acting guilty as sin.”

Nikki Hollis said: “Mum and dad have been behaving pretty strangely this week.

“They’re normally keen for me to get up and look for a zero hours job on Thursdays, but this week they’ve bought me twelve beers and said I should stay in bed.”

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Voter physically unable to look at them

A VOTER is unable to bring himself to look at them, any of them, when they appear on the news. 

Tom Booker of Telford admitted that he has not actually seen a politician since May 13, when Theresa May pretended to know about ransomware, and does not know when he will again. 

He continued: “It’s not voluntary. My eyes are pulled aside as if by a magnet. 

“I mean him with the beard, and her, oh God, the unbearable sinister awkwardness of her, and then all those other weirdos.

“My wife’s watching telly and suddenly I’ve muted it automatically as if it was a MoneySupermarket advert.

“I’ve kept abreast of the issues via websites, but one autoplaying video and suddenly my phone was 30ft in the air.” 

He added: “At least they will all be gone soon. Gone forever.”