Parents encouraging kids to do difficult hobbies so they can laugh at them

PARENTS are urging their children to learn difficult hobbies so they can laugh at their pathetic efforts, it has emerged.

Dan Campbell, a parent, explained: “Kids typically have poorly developed fine motor skills and spatial awareness, which makes them totally shit at anything that’s even a little bit hard.

“Being a parent can be pretty boring, so sometimes it’s fun to give them a difficult instrument to play, like the trombone, just to watch them totally fuck it up.

“There are few things more entertaining than a child playing the trombone badly and when I get fed up with it I can just take it away.”

Mum-of-three Susie Dean said: “As parents, this is a great way to entertain ourselves, because we get to look like we’re encouraging our kids, when we actually just think it’s hilarious when they try to tap dance.

“Have you seen their stupid little legs going everywhere? And then when they try to bring their arms into the mix – what a fucking mess.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

4x4 driver genuinely appalled by other people using the roads

A WOMAN who drives a large 4×4 cannot believe there are so many inconsiderate people using the roads at the same time as her.

Middle-class mum Donna Sheridan is unable to imagine what other people are doing that is so important they have to inconvenience her during shopping trips and the school run.

Sheridan said: “The roads are always full these days, which is particularly annoying for me because my vast Mercedes jeep-cum-tank thing basically needs the entire road to manoeuvre.

“What are all these vans doing? I don’t mind the Ocado ones because we all need to have food delivered, but if you’re going to drive around for the hell of it you should do it at 3am when busy people like me are asleep.

“Also – old people. Why are they on the roads when they’ve reached the end of their useful lives?

“They should stay at home and quietly wait to die instead of making me late for the hairdresser.”