A COUPLE are expecting far too much from an inconsequential meeting between their oblivious baby and their uninterested friend.
Anxious parents James and Emma Bradford are placing an undue amount of pressure on their two-week-old baby with no social skills in the run-up to him meeting friend Nikki Hollis who is only visiting out of obligation because she was nearby anyway.
Mum Emma said: “This has to go perfectly but there’s so much that could go wrong. Little Tommy could be sick, or Nikki might not be able to strike up a baby-talk conversation with him that he won’t remember.
“What if they don’t get on? What if Tommy shrieks the entire time? Not only does that make us look like bad parents, but there’s also no way Nikki will want to babysit him when we’ve reached our limit. This is more stressful than giving birth.
“If everything goes smoothly I’ll be able to read into it that Tommy has the makings of a future diplomat. And Nikki will have to nod along and agree because you can’t say anything mean about someone else’s kid. Which works in my favour because this guy’s a little shit.”
Hollis said: “Oh yeah, there it is. Cute. Can we open the Prosecco now?”