People posting stuff on timelines that should really have gone in a message

NOBODY wants something posted on their Facebook timeline that could have been put in a message, it has been confirmed.

Researchers confirmed that people who post on your timeline invariably give out information that is either private or irrelevant.

Martin Bishop posted on old friend Wayne Hayes’s page: “Great bumping into you. Should defo meet up for that coffee.”

He added, with an inappropriate winking eye: “Great to hear you and your girlfriend are trying for a baby too.”

Hayes deleted the comment and changed his Facebook settings. He said: “What is he? Fucking stupid?

“Does he seriously not know how Facebook works?”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “When writing on someone’s timeline you must imagine you are standing on a box announcing it to every single person they know, because that’s who will be reading it.

“It’s quite fucking obvious really.”

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Nights drawing in now, say grans

IT WILL soon be dark in the evenings again, according to Britain’s grandmothers.

Old people the length and breadth of the land have urged relatives to wrap up warm because the days are getting shorter and winter will be here before you know it. 

Eleanor Shaw, 76, said: “Well, that’s another summer gone. Time to draw the curtains, sit almost directly on top of a radiator and whack the central heating up as high as it will go.

“Look at you young people running around without so much as a scarf. You won’t be laughing when the icy winds of August give you the potentially fatal flu.”

26-year old Tom Booker said: “My nan’s put her clocks back already, and she’ll have her Christmas decorations up by the end of the month.

“She keeps repeating the phrase ‘winter is coming’, like a character from Game of Thrones.”

Booker’s nan, Maisie, said: “Well, winter is coming. I also think we should burn them, burn them all.”