People putting too much emphasis on shit opinions, say experts

PEOPLE are continuing to place too much emphasis on stupid opinion about things that are not important.

Researchers took samples from ‘user based review sites’ and discovered that most people spend their time focusing on absolute shit.

Holiday review site Tripadvisor came top for people who were putting the most emphasis on shit. After a trip to Egypt, regular reviewer Mary Fisher said: “It was very, very hot and the food wasn’t like anything from back home. And for those reasons, 1 out of 5.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute  for Studies, said: “Not only are people putting far too much emphasis on shit, but other people are taking those shit points of view into consideration when making decisions of their own.”

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: “I liked the look of a new restaurant that has opened nearby but I saw on their Facebook page that someone said it was hard to find parking and there wasn’t many vegetarian options on the menu.

“I don’t drive and I’m not a vegetarian but if they can’t get those things right then I should do my very best to force them out of business.”

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Being a father finally pays off

FATHERS across Britain are enjoying the moment when a year of parenting finally pays dividends.  

After 364 days of school runs, bedtime stories and beatings disguised as play, fathers are reaping a rich harvest of novelty socks, barbecue accoutrements and a card implying they like golf and/or moustaches.

Father of two Tom Booker said: “Some of my bachelor mates look at me, exhausted and broken from parenthood, and think it’s for mugs.

“They don’t see that I’m playing the long game. That every Father’s Day I collect the winnings by unwrapping a box of supermarket own-brand liquor chocolates and a bottle of unusable hot sauce.

“And after that, a trip to a vintage car rally. Oh yeah. This daddy ain’t no fool.”

But George Logan, aged eight, said: “Christ, I’ll be glad when it’s over.

“There’s no gratitude, that’s what gets me. He struts around all day like Billy Big Bollocks, acting like a handmade card and being served toast in bed is his absolute due.

“First thing Monday morning I’m going to make him wish he’d had the snip. If I have to pay my Father’s Day tax that bastard’s going to earn it.”