People who push others out of their comfort zone told to mind their own f**king business

PEOPLE who coerce others into doing things outside of their ‘comfort zone’ have been told to fuck off. 

Corporate team leaders, abseiling coaches and anyone who has ever had anything to do with Tough Mudder have been asked to stop hassling normal people.

Comfort zone fan Mary Fisher said: “I know my limits, in fact that’s why they’re called limits. And don’t tell me ‘there are no limits’, because if that’s true how come I’ve got six points on my licence?

“And as for the ‘pain barrier’, why would I even want to think about that, let alone push through it? It’s a barrier made of pain, which sounds unbelievably unpleasant.”

She added: “The comfort zone is clearly the best of all the zones.”

However corporate trainer and former soldier Wayne Hayes said: “It’s only in conditions of extreme adversity, like climbing Ben Nevis in your pants for no reason, that you really get to know yourself.

“I’m just about helping people to grow, although I’m also quite into promoting my shit books and getting corporations to pay me two grand a day to show some managers how to light a fire.”

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Being a virgin at 28 is nothing to do with my incredibly strange personality

By Martin Bishop

I’M one of a growing number of young people who are choosing not to have sex, and it’s nothing to do with my strange personality or worrying religious beliefs.

We live in a hyper-sexualised world where sex is a commodity, not a special, beautiful thing between a man and a shy, pure woman untainted by other penises.

When you meet me you’ll find I’m a normal guy with a decent job in IT, although you’ll soon start to notice my off-kilter social skills, such as talking about Land Rovers for 20 minutes when you’re clearly not interested.

You’ll also wonder why I keep mentioning ‘spirituality’. Soon I’ll reveal I’m a full-on Christian, the sort who volunteers for a youth group where we teach children demons are real.

I’m only a virgin because I’m waiting for the right woman. She’s got to be beautiful, intelligent, kind and wise, like Emma Watson crossed with my gran. That sounds unrealistic, but it’s okay if she’s not intelligent.

Being a virgin also has nothing to do with my hobby of egg collecting. If I was a hot girl I’d be fascinated by hundreds of old, lifeless eggs arranged obsessively in cabinets.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered losing my virginity by picking up someone in a club. But the drink prices play havoc with my strict personal budget and a lot of women have diseases these days.

So as you can see, being a virgin is a lifestyle choice and perfectly normal, although sometimes I have to go to the doctor’s with ‘wanking injuries’.