A MAN who stole your lunch money in year four by threatening to beat you up now teaches businesses how to be more mindful.
Former scourge of the playground Tom Logan claims to have put his bullying days behind him and is a ‘mindfulness consultant’ for large companies who pay him huge sums of money by the hour.
Logan, now 32, apparently has no recollection of making your life hell for the duration of primary school.
He said: “I think I’d remember if I threw your satchel onto the school roof or scratched ‘bender’ on your pencil tin, but honestly, I don’t.
“You might say I’m overcompensating to atone for deep-seated guilt from my childhood, but I think you’re just jealous that my life has turned out so well.
“And if you tell anyone about my past I’ll flush your head down the toilet again.”
Company managing director Nikki Hollis said: “Tom’s thuggish background of forcing money out of people and coasting through life with minimal effort is the perfect basis for a career as a mindfulness coach.
“I’m looking forward to learning how to pretend I care about people from him.”