CUTS to police numbers will hit hardest in areas where the chances of them actually doing anything have always been remarkably slim, it has emerged.
The Association of Chief Police Officers said 28,000 jobs will be lost across England and Wales leaving dozens of lawless, inner-city hellholes exactly as they were.
A confidential memo, leaked to the Guardian instead of the Daily Mail for some reason, showed that 12,000 frontline officers will go along with the 16,000 cleaners who mop up the blood of young black and Asian men.
An ACPO source said: “We could just get rid of 12,000 fat, middle-aged desk sergeants who haven’t arrested anyone since the miners’ strike, but a lot of them know far too much about me and my early career.
“Or we could cut frontline officers in leafy suburban areas where there’s nothing to do all day except rubber stamp insurance claims.
“But I guarantee you as soon as we do thousands of middle class people with jobs, mortgages and golf club memberships would immediately start committing horrible crimes.
“Which means the only feasible option is to reduce the number of monthly patrols in Moss Side and Toxteth from one to one less than one.”
The cuts coincide with a review of police overtime and bonuses which found that policemen were taking the piss almost as much as doctors, teachers and Members of Parliament.
The source added: “Unfortunately none of this solves the problem of what we do with all the blood.
“I suspect they’ll just have to mop it up themselves once they’ve regained consciousness.”