Pompous arse taking tough stance on Greece

COMPLETE nobody Roy Hobbs is demanding tough action be taken against Greece.

Hobbs is keen to see all Greeks punished, even though it is unclear how Greece’s economic problems have affected his life as a bakery supervisor in Wolverhampton.

Hobbs said: “The thought of the Greeks deciding to spend, spend, spend in a way that makes sod all difference to me makes my blood boil.

“A country’s economy is like a piggy bank. You can’t build roads and hospitals if you haven’t been putting coins in the slot. They need to be taught a harsh lesson. Only then will I be satisfied.”

Hobbs said Greece could learn from his own careful money management, such as writing down all the country’s expenditure in a notebook, even if it was small things like buying a Cornetto ‘because it all adds up’.

Hobbs’ colleague Nikki Hollis said: “I suspect the Greek financial crisis makes Roy feel less insignificant, because the only thing he’s ever achieved in his pitiful little life is being a tightfisted bastard.

“Also he reads the Daily Express and I think he just likes the idea of people being punished. I dread to think what sort of porn he’s got on his computer.”

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Third Heathrow runway to be disguised by cave mouth and collapsible palm trees

HEATHROW’S third runway will be discreetly hidden inside a cliff face with palm trees that fold down when planes launch.

Following opposition from environmental groups, plans for the runway have been revised to include an artificial mountain and tropical theme.

A spokesman for the Airports Commission said: “Passengers, rather than going through the messy shuttle bus process, will simply stand against a wall, be flipped upside down onto specially-adapted baggage carousels and taken direct to their seats with a Mai Tai in their hand.

“The mountainside will then open up, the palm trees will fold to the side revealing a runway, and a bit at the end will lift up to provide a ramp, which most runways don’t have but we thought might come in useful.

“After a plane has taken off, the palm trees will go back and the cave close up until the next flight is ready to depart, approximately 120 seconds later.”