Poppy on Ford Transit commemorates fallen vans

A FORD Transit has donned an enormous red poppy on its front grill to commemorate the British cargo vehicles lost in war.

Electrician Bill McKay affixed the 2ft diameter disc of patriotic red cardboard because he believes four-wheeled military personnel do not get enough credit for their sacrifices.

Mr McKay said: “Not enough attention is paid to the vehicles that, like everyone and everything associated with our military, are heroes.

“They also serve who only deliver ammunition, and we lost so many plucky vans in Flanders, not least because of the terrain. But we never see the iconic silhouette of a Leyland A1 atop a hill.

“The woke brigade would rather we remembered soldiers who were gay, Indian, or trans rather than our brave Bedford trucks. But there was an empty parking space at every business in 1918.

“And it’s not just about the two World Wars and one World Cup. My van commemorates all the Snatch Land Rovers blown up in Iraq. Crap, underfunded, and a symbol of the British government’s indifference to the lives of its soldiers, but by god they were lionhearted.

“My Ford Transit, in which tools are not left overnight, is a moving tribute to those noble vans who gave their axles to stop the Axis. No matter that it’s untaxed and uninsured.”

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Firework display perfectly out of sync to music

AN organised firework display is detonating pyrotechnics timed precisely not to coincide with the rhythms of its soundtrack.

The display in Chester’s Thackeray Park had an eclectic soundtrack of pop, hip hop, classical music and rock, all of which were meticulously timed to be drowned out by explosions.

Attendee and 6Music listener Nathan Muir said: “The soundtrack was ambitious, the fireworks were spectacular, the two never managed to synchronise in any way.

“You can’t get a rhythm simpler than We Will Rock You and there the fireworks were, just that crucial bit behind the beat and getting further behind with every double handclap.

Thus Spake Zarathustra got the fanfares all wrong, Katy Perry’s Firework – there’s no show without f**king Punch – was near inaudible thanks to bangs over the words, and Forgot About Dre was nothing but shrieking rockets.

“Have they noticed fireworks make a noise already, indeed that’s half their charm? And we never used to have a twat mix of 75-second-songs to accompany them and we were fine?”

Display operator Norman Steele said: “I set off bombs for a living. I’ve been deaf since 1998.”