POSTCARDS featuring traditional red phoneboxes must now show they are exclusively used for sex, drugs and public urination.
The famous boxes, still a powerful symbol of Britain, are now only for prostitute’s cards, to arrange heroin deliveries, for illicit sexual liaisons and for drunks to relieve themselves.
Historian Roy Hobbs said: “Once commonly used to call home or perhaps have an affair, these fixtures of the UK landscape now serve a different but no less traditional purpose.
“When Britons need to meet a young model with O- and A-levels, when they need two bags of white and one of brown, or whether they simply want to piss without the rain washing it away, phoneboxes are always there.
“From now on postcards will feature teddy bears in Beefeater outfits shaking as they call for a fix or engaging in squalid knee-tremblers, and tourists will embrace this new vision of Britain.”
Postcards of rural phoneboxes will show enterprising locals adapting them for use as charming little cannabis greenhouses or free-to-take pornography libraries.