BRITAINS currency has denounced its home country and has asked to be adopted by France.Stop touching me
As Scottish people professed their love for the currency, the pound revealed it would rather be spent on character-building animal parts, exotic, unfiltered adultery and beautiful old farmhouses with slightly racist shutters.
The pound said: I want nothing more to do with Britain and its unending ghastliness.
I hate being spent on ‘semis’ and Qashqais and sausages that are trying far too hard.
Meanwhile, Im being pumped sideways into fruit machines and bingo websites by some pudgy-fingered catastrophe.
The pound stressed that France hated the Euro anyway and its previous currency, the Franc, was ‘pathetic, stupid and worth 10 times less than me’.
It added: Scottish people spend me on the most disgusting things imaginable. Greyish-brown lumps of semi-hardened goo which they gnaw at like fat, angry dingos.
And then theres all the unused tennis rackets and the pubic styling wax and the insane quantities of Savlon.
What are they doing to each other?