JOHN Prescott is manoeuvring himself gradually into the mainstream of British society, it was warned last night.
Experts said the former deputy prime minister has been given free rein to use television in a sinister bid to create the idea that he is not a big, pink bag of scum.
In recent weeks Prescott has appeared on Top Gear and adverts for moneysupermarket.com in between claiming an average of £800 a day for slouching on his fat, moronic arse in the now irredeemably discredited House of Lords.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Slowly but surely he is transforming himself into a roly poly uncle who gets his words mixed up rather than the vilest piece of shit to hold public office in this country since the Sheriff of Nottingham.
“He spent much of his time in government playing croquet on the lawn of his free mansion or spewing bullshit about the environment while using two cars that did four yards to the gallon.
“And that’s when he wasn’t punching people, fucking his secretary and gorging himself on sticky buns and your money.”
He added: “If this was Egypt we’d be putting the fucker on trial but instead we’re getting him to do something not funny for Comic Relief.
“If there was even a shred of decency left in this festering bumhole of a country we’d be hosing him down with horse diarrhoea whenever he opens his front door or better still running over him slowly with one of his own Jags until dozens of half-digested pies come bursting out the top of his head.”
Brubaker has made a series of key recommendations to de-Prescottise Britain including sending moneysupermarket.com a photograph of a dog being sick or making a donation to the African warlords who hijack aid convoys.