Public relations executive keeps insisting she's working class

A PUBLIC relations executive keeps telling people she is somehow ‘working class’, it has emerged.

Sarah Jameson, 32, insisted she is ‘keeping it real’ while simultaneously talking loudly on the train about digital conversion rates or driving a BMW 4 series.

She said: “I’m careful to skip over the difficult bits of being working class, like having no money or doing manual labour.

“It means I can demonstrate my down-to-earth nature by joining in ‘Oh Jeremy Corbyn’ chants and occasionally ordering a pint of ‘Stella tops’ instead of a bottle of Cloudy Bay.

She added: “’Stella tops’ is lager with a splash of lemonade in it. It’s okay, only working class people would know that.”

Jameson’s friend, Nikki Hollis said: “The other day she told me how important it is never to forget where you came from. Which in her case is Chippenham.

“And she always goes on about how her dad comes from a mining area. That’s because he was a solicitor from Truro.”

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Man who quit drinking and smoking now addicted to judging people

A MAN who adopted a ‘clean living’ lifestyle is now getting ‘high’ on being incredibly sanctimonious.

Nathan Muir, 32, quit alcohol and tobacco at New Year but found the only thing that replicates the warm, fuzzy feeling of a large glass of red wine is making judgements about other people’s drinking habits.

Muir said: “At first it was great because I was high from feeling so holier-than-thou, but that soon started to fade.

“People stopped giving a shit that I’d given up booze and fags and started looking annoyed when I talked about how revitalised I felt.

“Then, after they’d all had made a cursory attempt at not drinking so much in January, they all got right back on it from February and were having a whale of a time getting twatted every weekend.

“Meanwhile I’m getting ‘twatted’ on the joy that comes from making patronising comments and quoting statistics from terrifying health studies.

“I’ll have the last laugh when they’re keeling over from liver failure. As long as I haven’t died from boredom.”