White supremacist struggling to draw swastikas

AN ILLITERATE white supremacist still believes in his genetic superiority even though he is unable to correctly draw a swastika.

Tom Logan of Peterborough carved the symbol on a toilet door with a Stanley knife yesterday, but once again managed to reverse it into the Buddhist symbol for the glorious inevitability of creation.

Logan said: “I got into far-right politics when I lost my job and my girlfriend left me, I assume because of Asians and the powerful Jewish lobby respectively.

“But I don’t hold pens much and keep fucking it up by drawing it backwards or doing too many lines so it looks like a star, and I can’t spell Hitler’s name the same way twice.

“Maybe that’s why all the other Nazis round here have got tattoos, so they can just copy.”

Logan’s former teacher Stephen Malley said: “I’m hardly surprised. When he used to carve NF on school desks it always ended up looking more like the Van Halen logo.”

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Thousands more suckers conned onto cruises

TENS of thousands of British marks have been tricked into spending their life savings on a fortnight on a luxury prison ship.

All the facilities of a municipal leisure centre and four times as many people

The cruises, which satisfy every desire except the increasingly desperate need for freedom, visit exotic locations for very brief periods before long stretches on the featureless, disquieting ocean.

Cruise CEO Joseph Turner said: “Imagine an enormous shopping mall, like Bluewater or the Trafford Centre, at sea. Now imagine you aren’t allowed to leave.

“Within a day you know it intimately. Within a week you have eaten in every restaurant, seen every show, and hate every one of your fellow passengers.

“And don’t think you get to escape. Our Dubrovnik stop is twice as far from the city as the EasyJet airport.

“By the time the coach has got there all you can do is buy jewellery and get back on.”

On-board entertainment includes the fourth runner-up in 2002’s Pop Idol, the bloke who came ninth in 2007’s Any Dream Will Do, and the winner of last year’s The Voice.

Bill McKay of Worcester said: “We were hoodwinked by marble floors, open-air bars, images of sophistication and class.

“Instead there are 92-year-olds attending classes on how to use the internet in between coronaries and Silk Cut sessions in the casino.

“I long for the days when I used to have a drink or a sandwich without first having to attract the attention of a Filipino waiter.

“We were begging to hit an iceberg, and that was before the norovirus.”