References to ‘brunch’ going unmocked

BRITONS are talking about ‘brunch’ without getting the piss ripped out of them, it has emerged.

References to the absurd and pretentious American non-meal have snuck into common usage, to the extent that ‘brunchers’ are not getting the mockery they so richly deserve.

28-year-old Tom Logan said: “Yesterday a friend called up and suggested we meet for brunch. I was about to say ’sounds good’ but then I had a moment’s hesitation.

“That was my ‘naked brunch’ moment when I realised that the concept of a mid-morning meal with French toast and shit is just so nauseatingly lah-di-dah. It’s like we’re trying to be characters in an American comedy drama about modern urban dating called Singleton City.

“I told my friend that if he ever used the term brunch again I would slap him twice around the face. He agreed but we have not spoken since.”

The term brunch was coined in 1983 by American Wayne Hayes, who wanted to make himself feel better about eating constantly throughout the morning.

Office worker Emma Bradford said: “I hate these stupid cute little words, and our obsession with American diner culture even if it does have a far higher standard of food and service than we are used to in the UK.

“However I do enjoy a spot of ‘drunch’, as I call the several tubes of Pringles that I eat each day between lunch and dinner.”

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Ageing raver takes book to nightclub

A 40-YEAR-OLD man has taken a paperback book with him to a rave.

Plumber Tom Booker wanted to go to a massive club to hear his favourite deep house and techno DJs, while also having something to read for when he got a bit tired.

He said: “I steadfastly refuse to give up on raving, even though nowadays I find it quite exhausting to stand up for long periods, let alone dance.

“So last week I brought along Peter Ackroyd’s London – A Biography.  It’s very well researched although a bit heavy to carry around until 5am.

“I rave for a bit, then I read for a bit, then I rave a bit more. It’s nice.”

19-year-old clubber Nikki Hollis said: “I saw this old guy sat down by the bass bins reading a book.

“It’s the first time I’ve seen someone reading at a rave and the second time I’ve seen a book.”

Booker added: “Actually it’s quite hard reading in a club because it’s quite dark and the bass makes your eyeballs vibrate. Or maybe I just need glasses now.

“It’s good though. I think reading is the future of raving.”