THE most middle class tattoo is the word ‘moustache’ in a speech bubble, coming out of a swallow’s mouth, on the wearer’s finger.
The design has been confirmed as the ultimate mix of modern and heritage trends, indicating that the inked person is playful, enjoys hand-made tapenade and has spent at least £50 in Stow-on-the-Wold.
Dr Nathan Muir explained: “Previously, the tattoo was a useful indicator of impending hospitalisation.
“You were dealing with someone who would knock you unconscious with a bar stool and then use it to anally penetrate you before emptying your pockets and having a go on the fruity.
“Meanwhile, meeting a girl with a tattoo was like getting a free pass to Disneyland. If it was full of skanks.
“But now you pick up a woman with a load of wild tribal designs, just to discover the only thing she’s going to blow is a frangipani tea light.”
Francesca Johnson, a Pilates blogger, said When I first got my swallow, it was a statement of individuality. Then everyone got one, so I added the moustache detail and it became ironic.
“My Granny always hated it, but now she’s thinking about getting her own as someone told her there’s a pop up tattoo parlour at the Conran Shop.”
She added: “I have complained to Westminster City Council.”