A SELF-EMPLOYED man would love to be trapped in a soul-destroying salaried job, he has confirmed.
Martin Bishop feels his life would be vastly improved if he swapped his one-man bicycle courier business for a dead-end, repetitive role with an uncaring employer.
Bishop said: “Working 16 hours a day in a state of constant panic, for less than the minimum wage, has motivated me to break free from being my own boss.
“My dream job would be working in a call centre with a supervisor constantly hassling me and people telling me to fuck off, or working on a production line squirting filling into Ginster’s pies.
“I think what appeals about the employed lifestyle is having enough money to buy food.”
He added: “I thought working from home would let me have baths in the day and watch Bargain Hunt for a break, but that doesn’t happen when you’re doing longer hours than someone in a gulag.”
Bishop is now waiting to hear about a minimum wage job cleaning machinery in a dog food factory, but is trying not to think about it in case he jinxes it.