LABOUR is set to raise the two-child benefit cap, meaning households can maximise state payouts by adding a third, fourth or fifth child. We weigh up the pros and cons:
PRO
Pulling down a sweet £17.25 per week, or a possible £17,940 lifetime total? Who’s going to turn that down? You’ve already got all the stuff from having your first two kids and they can help out with the baby. Or babies, if you decide to ring that cash register again and again. Jackpot!
CON
There are questions about whether £17.25 is enough, given inflation, to feed a child even if all their clothes are hand-me-downs and they’re living that Harry Potter under-stairs life. It should be, surely? The government wouldn’t provide a less than adequate sum for our nation’s future?
PRO
It’s not just money. Pumping out a few more brats means you take priority for social housing, roadside breakdown callouts and auditions for amateur performances of The Sound of Music. More than adequate compensation for having to drive a minibus.
CON
There are people, those who have failed to heed the TikTok tradwife gospel, who believe raising children is hard and gets harder the more of them there are. Only first-hand testimony so easily dismissed, though there may be a kernel of truth in it. But then why would lazy benefits claimants have so many?
PRO
Western nations are in demographic crisis with fewer and fewer children being born, and this saddens people like the late Charlie Kirk. Honouring his memory and conceiving ever more children is the right thing to do. Note: only applies to white people.
CON
Charlie Kirk’s brief moment of fame in this country has passed as swiftly as Shaboozey’s, and our British pro-natalists are unpleasant, leering old men who write unhinged columns for the Telegraph. Copulating in their shadow would not be easy and any child born of it would be indelibly marked.
CONCLUSION
Conceive a third child only after taking advice from money saving expert Martyn Lewis, and if possible under his supervision.
