DO internet-famous twats you’ve never heard of keep intruding on your life? These are the new media knobheads you’ll hate explained as quickly and painlessly as possible:
Mr Beast
YouTuber who racks up views with genuinely surprising cash prizes for stunts, such as $250,000 to be physically chained to your ex for 30 days. Did a TV version no one watched. Moved into the snack market. Which is weird.
Hannah Neeleman
A ‘tradwife’ who simperingly encourages women to embrace the fulfilment that only comes from dusting. Like other tradwives she forgets to mention her full-time job coining it in from TikTok videos.
Douglas Murray
Slightly upmarket right-wing racist who went to Oxford and once wrote a proper history book. An associate editor of the Spectator. Gay, which he feels is a clever twist.
Tim Pool
Unremarkable American guy in a hat who churns out tired right-wing talking points. There is no obvious purpose to his existence except to remind other bald men that beanie hats fool no one.
Mrs Hinch
Essex girl Sophie Hinchcliffe has cleaning tips. You can only feel a deep, terrible sadness for a young woman who says things like: ‘Here is one of my favourite limescale removers.’
Sargon of Akkad
Early reactionary YouTuber who’s still going. Required viewing if you remember or care about 2014’s Gamergate. Like sitting in a pub with a boring friend waiting for other people would turn up.
Charli D’Amelio
Creator of archetypal girly TikTok content. She might serve some purpose as a one-stop shop for all your unboxing, cosmetics and girl-dancing-to-her-phone needs, saving you time you can then use to cure cancer or develop a fusion reactor.
Rate My Takeaway
Host Danny is a nice enough chap, but as with all the fast food reviewers online, six minutes learning that a battered haddock in Doncaster was too greasy was six minutes wasted.
Ben Shapiro
Not-very-convincing political ‘thinker’ inhabiting the same overpopulated right-wing ecosystem as Tim Pool. As utterly predictable as objects falling due to gravity.
Logan Paul
Well-known, but you may still be unsure what he does. That’s because it’s everything shit you’d expect: video diaries, boxing matches with other YouTubers and being a wanker. Got in trouble for showing a dead body in Japan’s suicide forest in 2018. Hopes it activated a ghost like the one in The Ring are fading.
Fresh and Fit
Manosphere dullards Walter Meekes and Myron Gaines discuss hot button topics such as whether women who are 30 and single have failed in life. Even Germaine Greer would find it too contrived to be offended.
Nick Fuentes
Nick stands out from the Trumpian herd by being an unashamed white supremacist and Hitler fanboy associated with Pepe the Frog, ‘groypers’ and 4chan. It’s good to have lots of hobbies.
Auntie Jackie
‘Jackie’ is part of the TikTok genre of incredibly bad cooks making disgusting meals. It’s almost certainly fake, like an increasing amount of internet content. We’ve seen the future and it’s someone frying a frozen Asda ready meal in a filthy frying pan for clicks.
