Six words people mispronounce that make you want to punch them

DO you want to throttle that person in your life who insists on pronouncing it ‘vice-a versa’? Here are some more you will also hate.

Vice versa

At some stage every child sees this phrase written down and realises that it very clearly says ‘vice’ with no extraneous ‘a’ sound attached. Most people quickly change their ways, apart from some twats who will annoy you with it forever.

Espresso

We’ve all been drinking overpriced wanky coffee for long enough now to know there is no need to insert an ‘x’ into the beginning of this particular variety. You could get away with it in the 80s but now you just sound like an idiot.

Specifically

Using ‘pacifically’ instead of ‘specifically’ is not merely mispronouncing, but using a whole different word instead. On top of that, it isn’t even a real word with its own meaning, making the user doubly infuriating.

Et cetera

This is another phrase that regularly gets given a rogue ‘x’ after the first ‘e’, despite the fact that there isn’t one there. It is Latin, which can be tricky to speak, but it’s hardly the same as being asked to recite Lucretius’ De rerum natura.

Anyway

There are some incredibly irritating people out there who insist on adding an ’s’ onto this word, for reasons that no rational human can make sense of. Unless you’re starring in a particularly bad American high school romcom, which is highly unlikely, please stop doing it.

Mispronunciation

Saying ‘mispronounce-iation’ is almost impressive. You’re aware of the concept of mispronouncing words, but are failing to do anything about it, like seeing your house catch fire and just standing there going ‘Well this is odd’.

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Queen finally realises she is ruler of a country of twats

THE Queen has finally realised that she is the head of state of a country of selfish, credulous dickheads. 

After 69 years ruling Britain it has taken a pandemic and widespread vaccine refusal for Her Majesty to at last understand how unbearably dense her subjects are. 

She said: “Oh. So it’s that simple. The people of Britain are, by and large, arseholes. 

“I suppose the evidence was always there, but I chose not to see it. I focused on the positives. I preferred to believe the best of you. 

“But when a virus has killed 122,070 people in this country alone, even though we’ve been locked down for a year, and a vaccine is available, and you’re choosing not to take it because of an idiot osteopath on YouTube, I regret the conclusion is inescapable. 

“All these years I’ve been representing Britain on the world stage. I’ve met five Popes. And all that time they were pitying me, a bright, capable woman, monarch of an island of thick wankers.” 

She added: “Abdicate? And leave Charles in charge? The last thing we need is a twat leading the twats.”