Six-year-old collecting some f**king thing

A SMALL boy is collecting Moshi Monsters or football stickers or some other thing no adult wants to know about. 

Six-year-old Tom Booker enthused at length about his collection to an audience of grown-ups who could not have cared less.

The items, which apparently come in sealed packets concealing ultra-rare gold somethings or holographic fucking whatevers, can be used to play some sort of game.

Susan Traherne, a friend of the child’s mother, said: “He has itemised these things with the bloody-mindedness of a regional manager doing a stock audit.

“Some of them cost £1 and some cost £2 and the special ones are £3.50 and every single one, according to his mum, was bought to stop his whingeing when he was being dragged around the supermarket.

“Apparently he’s made a Christmas list of the ones he hasn’t got. I only hope Santa has a high boredom threshold.”

Booker’s father Geoff said: “I love him, but if I hear once more about how the metallic blue ones are limited edition I may lose my mind.

“Sometimes I have to go and stroke my original Star Wars figures to calm down.

“Boba Fett is the rarest one. He fires a rocket.”

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Ask Holly: My boss keeps flirting with me

Dear Holly,

My boss keeps coming on to me and I don’t know what to do. Most of the time, it’s just the usual ‘playful’ slaps on the buttocks, or ‘accidentally’ dropping his pen on the floor and asking me to pick it up, but it’s only a matter of time before he tries to get me involved in that pig nonsense. How can I fend off his attacks but still keep my plummy job?

Hugo Swire


Dear Hugo,

Maybe your boss is lonely. Sometimes grown ups just want a friend. Like my teacher, Mrs Dodkins. She’s always cracking maths jokes and trying to get everyone to join her rubbish choir, but no-one ever does because her breath smells of coffee and she openly says One Direction aren’t very good, but she has no taste because she’s MEGA old, like 36 or something and too outdated to appreciate real art.

Hope that helps