BUXOM, whorish dummies are set to give some respite to bad-tempered men in clothes shops.
The well-proportioned mannequins will be fitted with cheap, too-tight clothing and wear lurid make-up to create an impression of low self-esteem and easy fuckability.
Some will be positioned as if they are bending over to pick up a cigarette lighter, while the facial expressions will range from ‘sultry wink’ to ‘recently emerged from stifling, long term relationship and ready to party with your balls’.
Nikki Hollis, boss of women’s clothes giant Big Shop, said: “A man surrounded by thousands of ‘tops’ that all look basically the same is a pathetic sight. A bit like a pig in a slaughterhouse, but one that desperately wants to die.
“By whoring-up the mannequins they will be able to fantasise quietly while their partners squeeze optimistically into clothes they will almost certainly be returning a week later. And so the process begins anew.”
She added: “It’s not a particularly big leap. The standard window dummies have always had pert breasts and nipples like ship’s rivets.
“But they also had that arrogant, I’m-far-to-good-for-the-likes-of-you expression and tight little mouths that clearly weren’t built for sucking.”
Psychologist Dr Julian Cook, said: “Just ten minutes of vivid fantasy can leave the average British man feeling mentally refreshed, making him more alert, energetic and willing to go to at least three more shops.
“But I would suggest that if the high street fashion chains really want this to work effectively they should probably have more of the skanky mannequins in just their bra and panties.
“Actually, on second thoughts, lose the bra and let’s pretend the panties had to be thrown out after a nasty pillow fight.”