Smell of weed on local bus particularly strong today

THE odour of high-strength cannabis on a local bus was especially pungent this morning, it has been confirmed.

According to passengers boarding the bus, the forceful stench of skunk was immediately palpable to all.

Passenger Tom Logan said: “Most days you get a faint whiff, but today it was a proper funk. We opened the windows but it just wouldn’t go away. I was actually starting to feel a bit weird.

“We mentioned it to the driver and to our enormous surprise he stressed that it was not his problem. He was so utterly charming.”

Wayne Hayes, a pale, wiry young man sitting on the top floor of the bus, added: “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I can’t smell it at all.

“Do you want to buy some?”

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Jubilation as ex-banker’s artisan tearoom in Cotswolds goes tits up

THERE was unconfined joy as an ex-banker relocated from London to the countryside only to see his venture fail within six months.

Nathan Muir, 33, traded his life and six-figure salary working at Goldman Sachs to open a tea room in rural Oxfordshire – a dream he had had ever since reading an Sunday Times magazine article in 2015.

However, Muir was disappointed when locals failed to flock to his establishment, Muir Tea, Vicar? and pay £4.95 for a cup of decaffeinated damson tea in an authentic rural setting.

Muir has been forced to move back to London and rejoin the ‘rat race’ he vociferously attacked in a Guardian article explaining how his “downsizing” had afforded him a true sense of rustic, anti-materialistic spirituality.

Muir admitted he will have to go back to screwing over clients to maintain the £2000 rent on his one bedroom flat in Wapping.

Tom Logan, a childhood acquaintance of Muir said: “I cheered so loudly my roof nearly fell off. Nathan has been a priceless twat since the age of about five and finally his twat chickens have come home to roost.”

Nikki Hollis, a former girlfriend of Muir said: “When I heard the news I did an authentic country dance around a maypole.”