A MANGO smoothie has admitted having warped desires, via a block of text on its packaging.
Pulped fruit drink Tom Logan shocked shoppers at Waitrose by using its label – the favoured medium of communication for drinks with something to say – to confess to potentially destructive sexual fetishes.
Logan’s label reads: “Hi, I’m a mango smoothie and I like fucking women in really dirty ways.
“As well as being made of 100% fresh fruit, I am into grannies, and get aroused by those adverts in Sunday newspaper magazines for walk-in granny baths.
“Packed with vitamins, I’m two of your five-a-day and I once paid two women to strip off and dance around to techno just wearing WWII gas masks.
“My packaging is fully recyclable, and I want you to use it in the most depraved way you can think of.
Smoothie drinker Emma Bradford said: “I thought smoothies were the happy, sexless and vitamin-packed friends of humanity.
“I don’t know whether I feel repulsed or weirdly turned on.”
The smoothie signed off its confession with a crudely-drawn picture of the sun with a big smiley face.