THE term ‘socialising’ actually means drinking heavily, it has emerged.
After research found that Britons were running up debts due to ‘socialising’, further analysis showed this to be a euphemism for ‘drinking heavily with other people nearby’.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Referring to one’s social life wrongly suggests social activities, when really it’s about your own private world of alcoholic oblivion.
“For British people, the purpose of going out is not to chat with friends over lunch, attend a barbeque or meet new people at a salsa class, but to ingest ethyl alcohol while not technically being alone.
“Usually no interaction is required beyond the occasional ‘Alright’ or ‘Whose round is it?’
“Obviously it’s possible to get drunk at a dinner party, but in pubs you can just eat crisps and peanuts in silence and not waste valuable drinking time pretending to be interested in the lasagne.”
Brubaker added that Britons were flexible in their definition of socialising, which also included drinking a bottle of vodka on your own while talking to Fiona Bruce on the news.