PAYING to get on a budget flight slightly before others is the weakest possible attempt to show off, it has been confirmed.
Experts at the Institute for Studies compared showing-off techniques and ranked them in order of impressiveness, from having a fucking huge yacht with its own nuclear arsenal to jumping the queue of an EasyJet flight.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Most cheap flights have got allocated seating now anyway.
“So paying for speedy boarding marks you out as someone who thinks it’s a status symbol to be the first onto a shuttle bus.”
Speedy boarding passenger Tom Logan said: “When we’re summoned to the gate I can see all the standard boarding people watching me with admiration, wondering if I’m a spy, playboy or diplomat.
“The sense of power is intoxicating.”