HEAT-crazed Londoners have taken to the streets demanding to be attacked by a water cannon.
An estimated 1.4 million people are setting the city ablaze in the hope of getting some of that sweet hose action pointed their way.
Account director Carolyn Ryan said: “Do you think I want to be looting this carpet shop? I’m a Liberty girl. I just need the police to notice me – and punish me – as quickly as possible.”
Stephen Malley, from Croydon, said: “I’ve smelled so many different people today. It’s too intimate. My nose is going to explode. Meanwhile, everything is so fucking moist.
“Come on, you pig bastards, cannon me. And aim for my burning crotch.”