Stop making us feel like voyeurs, people with no net curtains or blinds told

PEOPLE who insist on leaving their living rooms exposed to passers-by have been told to stop violating their own privacy.

Despite the existence of net curtains, blinds and actual curtains, many Britons are happy to exhibit their domestic lives like goldfish in a bowl, leaving people outside irrationally feeling like peeping toms.

Passer-by Norman Steele said: “I walk along my road and I have to crick my neck to avoid seeing in at number seven. I try to remember not to look but it’s human nature to be aware of your surroundings.

“I don’t want to know that they watch Richard Madeley every morning on a 48” TV. That the mother needs to ditch that pink and yellow dressing gown due to her visual similarity to Mr Blobby. That their eight-year-old daughter is the spitting image of Liz Truss. 

“I’m not judging them. I don’t want to f**king know about them. Yet they make me feel like James Stewart in Rear Window. Just close your curtains, for Christ’s sake. It’s not difficult.

“I’ve only one strategy left, standing in front of their window in thick spectacles, leering and rummaging in my trouser pocket suspiciously. I’ll be arrested, naturally, but it’ll be worth the prison time to make them at least get some nets.”

Homeowner Donna Sheridan said: “I have no plans to draw my curtains, ever. Although yesterday I counted 11 men and several women having a crafty look through my front window. 

“All I was doing was jogging on the spot in a surprisingly realistic elephant costume in preparation for a charity run. How on earth could that get someone’s attention? Perverts.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man who condemned you and your family to years of poverty didn't like doing it

THE man who has condemned you and your family to years of freezing poverty did not enjoy doing so, he has confirmed.

Jeremy Hunt, chancellor by default, confirmed that the unprecedented drop in your standard of living was difficult for him to administer, that inside he was crying and that he hopes you will remember that come the next election.

He continued: “Raising taxes the way I did went against all my natural instincts. I was able to repress those and do it, but I did not feel good about it. Make a note.

“And for a growth guy, like me, to be condemning you all to two years of recession? It felt terrible. I’m not ashamed to say I hit the 18-year-old single malt pretty hard afterwards.

“So while you’re suffering all your privations of bills and inflation and losing your jobs, remember this was not something I wanted. But if the markets are to have faith in the Tories again, I had no choice.

“Could you see my anguish on the news? It felt palpable.”

Member of the public Tom Logan said: “I feel terrible for Jeremy, it must have been really hard for him. Thank God he’s extremely wealthy and won’t be in any way affected by it.”