Tall people unveil plan to stand right at the front

PEOPLE of above-average height have declared their intention to stand in the very front row at all times.

Emphasising that they cannot enjoy a gig unless they are eye-level with the drummer, the lanky twats announced that being taller than everyone else meant they should be right up against the barrier.

Tom Booker, who is six feet two inches, said: “It is our intention to stride to the front of the crowd, sweeping past the shrimpy little shortarses in our way.

“When the gig begins, I and my fellow giants will be sure to shift position every few moments, to ensure none of the halfpints behind us can see anything, because that’s what they deserve for being short.

“I don’t even like music that much. I just like the feeling of power.”

Fellow beanpole Wayne Hayes said: “I plan to casually jostle my way to the front with my tall friends.

“Once there, we’ll probably just ignore the gig and have a massively loud conversation instead, while spilling our beer on the heads of the little people.”