Sunday, 27th September 2020

Teachers are the real bastards, says government

BRITAIN’S biggest problem is not coronavirus or Brexit but the bastards who educate small children, the government has confirmed.  

Education secretary Gavin Williamson has warned that a Viet Cong-style movement of teachers is determined to destroy the country in between teaching five-year-olds to read and dealing with wee-related accidents.

Williamson said: “Look at the curriculum. They literally teach Marxism.

“The question is how long it takes them to shift their strategy from feigned concern about ‘safety’ to committing a terrorist atrocity similar to 9/11.

“These politically motivated fanatics are deliberately sabotaging the reopening of schools so that concerned parents can’t do their national duty of returning to work and buying sandwiches and cappuccinos.

“Are they just lazy and workshy? Do they dislike children and want them to grow up thick? Do they vote Labour? Probably all three.

“MI5 will shut down any teacher who shows concern about pupils or their at-risk relatives. Our agents will shoot to kill. That’s how much I value education.”