Sunday, 27th September 2020

Tenner that's been in wallet since March not sure what the f**k is going on

A £10 note that has been in a man’s wallet since March is wondering what the f**k is going on out there. 

The note entered the wallet on March 10th as change for a drink in a bar, and has remained there undisturbed and increasingly concerned for the subsequent three-and-a-half months.

It said: “Hello? Hello? Would someone mind telling me what the shit is happening?

“I’m not used to this. Normally I live a pretty active life: shop tills, purses, pockets, the odd toot of cocaine. I’m out and about.

“But I’ve been in here with nobody to talk to except a book of second-class stamps for bloody months now. Even when the wallet gets opened I’m ignored like I’m nothing but a scrap of paper.

“What happened? Has there been a coup? Am I no longer legal tender? I used to be the shit. ‘Cash is king’, they said. Am I nothing to you now?”

The £10 note will finally be removed from the wallet in October this year to buy a basket of value tinned goods at Lidl, after a debit card and two credit cards are declined.