Tesco removes ‘best before’ dates from stuff that was never any good

TESCO has announced it will stop giving false hope to shoppers with ‘best before’ dates on food that is honestly appalling whenever.  

The supermarket has acknowledged that putting ‘best before’ on the tomatoes, courgettes and apples it sells implies their palatability is affected by time, when in fact they are entirely tasteless before, on and following the given date. 

A spokesman said: “These apples? The only honest ‘best before’ date would say ‘best before the advent of factory farming and the growing of fruit based on appearance, not flavour’. 

“Now our customers, instead of blaming themselves for their tardiness, can rest assured that the fruit they buy is never any good to eat and enjoy a nice bag of Monster Munch instead.”