WHEN you look around the British Isles some things are just so bloody weird they could only have happened here. Take these, for example:
The Scotch egg
Any number of dubious culinary treats could be mentioned – Marmite, chip butties, jelly and ice cream, or tripe with vinegar. But for sheer British oddness it has to be an egg, covered in sausage and breadcrumbs then deep fried. First made in 1738, which sounds about right, because people died much earlier then, probably due to the toll Scotch eggs took on their bodies.
Jacob Rees-Mogg MP
Professional weirdo who should only exist in cartoon form. Calling his sixth child Sixtus, using the word ‘floccinaucinihilipilification’ in conversation and saying he was ‘too clever to have died in Grenfell’ are some of his many likeable traits. The weirdest thing is that the whole Victorian schtick is horribly fake. At least it’s panto season.
The Cerne Abbas Giant
While we’re on the topic of colossal penises – what’s more random than a 55m chalk man threatening you with a large club and a prominent erection? The giant dominates a Dorset hillside where people take photos as if it’s the Taj Mahal. In a confusingly British way it dates from the 10th century or maybe the 17th. What we do know is it sets unrealistic body standards for men.
A theme park where ‘children and adults alike can ride, drive and operate REAL diggers, dumpers and other full-size construction machinery.’ You can keep your Disneyland and stuff your Universal Studios, Britain’s contribution to the crowded theme park market is a place with signs reading: ‘You must be this tall to ride the Komatsu PC26 mini digger’.
Channel 4’s Naked Attraction
We’ve come a long way since Lord Reith said television should educate, inform and entertain. Arguably this British format does all three. It just happens to do so while looking like a trial for a sex crime on a spaceship.
Wheel of cheese. Check. Massive f**k-off hill. Check. Scores of nutters. Check. The tradition of cheese rolling is brutal and often comes up against another undeniably British area of excellence: health and safety. But there are still dozens of people risking severe injury to win a prize money definitely could buy – some cheese.