SIR Keir Starmer is responsible for pretty much every single crime that has ever happened. Here right-winger Roy Hobbs explains why.
Starmer was in charge of the Crown Prosecution Service when it decided not to prosecute Jimmy Savile in 2009 due to insufficient evidence. So that obviously makes him responsible for the noncing, more responsible than Savile in fact. Look, you can argue until you’re blue in the face that he wasn’t the reviewing lawyer for the case and I won’t listen because I’m so desperate to label him a ‘nonce-lover’.
Speaking of nonces, which I like to do, constantly, isn’t it a bit suspicious that Starmer’s sort-of colleague Peter Mandelson stayed at Jeffrey Epstein’s house in New York while Epstein was in prison? Makes Starmer completely guilty by association. Which doesn’t apply to me and my mate at work who’s got a 16-year-old girlfriend. Totally different situation.
The Post Office scandal
As Nigel Farage has so wisely been asking, why didn’t Starmer intervene in the Post Office scandal when he was Director of Public Prosecutions? By not visiting every single post office in Britain and personally ripping out those Horizon terminals he was basically taking the money from the sub-postmasters himself, then kicking them in the shins for good measure. What a bastard.
Loads of murders abroad
Did you know that Starmer went abroad to personally let a load of baby killers and axe murderers off the hook? No, don’t give me that about it having something to do with pro-bono work to abolish the death penalty in Caribbean nations, or that a civilised society must offer everyone a legal defence. The bloke is clearly just a sicko who loves psychopaths. And you think he’s fit to lead a political party? You’re just as bad.
The most heinous offence of all. Starmer happily served on Corbyn’s frontbench, even when he was trying to bring in his nefarious plans to nationalise sausages and force us all to have free Communist broadband. It’s worse than all Starmer’s other crimes put together, which include the shooting of JFK, the Lindbergh baby kidnapping and my neighbour’s car being nicked. Honestly, this country has gone to the dogs, and he’s not even prime minister yet.