WANKERS who wank on about having a real fire have been informed that burning gas is not in any way fake.
Anyone who believes that their wood-burning or coal-burning fire is more authentic than a mere gas fire has been invited to put their hand into the flames and see if it feels inauthentic then.
Joe Turner of Bristol said: “It’s a fire. Fire’s fire. It doesn’t discriminate between social classes.
“Yes, if you’ve got a three-bar electric I understand the distinction, but if there’s a flickering flame then it doesn’t particularly matter what’s fuelling it. Does your cherrywood smoke smell nicer? What are you doing, sticking your head in and inhaling deeply?
“And these real fire dickheads are always the ones so concerned about the environment while sticking a load of carbon in the atmosphere in a very real, direct way. You’re cutting down trees then burning them. Not a problem for you at all?
“My gas fire heats the room. Your wood fire heats the room. Yes, yours is slightly nicer to look at, in a primitive caveman way. But they’re both fires.”
Wood-burner owner Julian Cook said: “Ah, but yours isn’t a real fire is it? Not really real, like mine.”