Thirtysomethings make half-hearted plan to meet up

SOME friends in their mid-thirties have made a vague, doomed plan to have a drink.

36-year-old Tom Booker called 38-year-old Stephen Malley to arrange going to the pub the following week.

Malley agreed that this was a good idea and that despite needing to check with his wife it would “be fine”.

Booker said: “I didn’t suggest a venue as that seemed a bit heavy. I just sort of left it that we would speak again.

“To be honest, during the conversation I started to wonder whether it was a good idea. It’s nice to see friends but going out is so tiring.”

Malley said: “Initially I was enthusiastic. I even suggested calling some other people, although I didn’t go so far as to name them.

“The upshot was that we both agreed that we were theoretically into going to an unspecified place, possibly as part of a larger group, on an unspecified date.

“It’s never going to happen.”

Booker said: “I think I’ll just not call him and hope he doesn’t call me.

“Somehow this all really makes me think about death.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
No, lying in the garden with some secateurs doesn’t make you a landscape gardener. And if you stand up you’re not a portrait gardener, either.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
This weekend, why not stand outside a Hoxton coffee shop with small bottles of Immac marked ‘Beard lotion – free sample’?

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Your love of writing, dormant after years of work, marriage and family commitments, emerges once more. You’re just struggling to find a rhyme for the phrase ‘crippling divorce settlement’.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
On Monday you’ll have a urine test for LSD which you will pass with flying colours.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Your favourite Goldie Hawn film that’s also an extreme way to get your girlfriend to dump you is Banger Sisters.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
This week you’ll meet a wheat intolerant vegan atheist who tells you about it so quickly you travel back in time.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Why not spice up the next family gathering by slipping a few naked photos of yourself in the coat pocket of your cousin’s partner?

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
I’m not sure what Shakespeare play you think you saw last year but I don’t remember any of them featuring a rap battle between CBBC presenters.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
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Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
No word from Channel 4 on your drama about a serial killer that buries body parts in various places called Location, Location, Location.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Tomorrow, somebody in the bus queue will call you an egomaniac. You won’t hear them use your name but it will be obvious they were talking about you.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Press the red button for…look, just press the red button. PRESS IT.