THE thing women do to their faces which looks like a paint-by-numbers chessboard is called ‘contouring’, it has been confirmed.
The make-up technique, which involves shading in areas of your face as if doing GCSE art homework, is popular with women confident they will only be looked at from one specific angle.
Carolyn Ryan, from Ipswich, explained: “Contouring is simulating the effects of three-dimensional lighting on a two-dimensional surface, but on a three-dimensional surface.
“In practice that means that you paint some bits of your face dark and some light and it does, with very careful preparation, look good in a selfie.
“In real-world conditions, however, it looks like flesh-coloured forest camouflage or something from a Channel 5 documentary.
“We do it because we’re bored. And you’ll say it looks good if you don’t want us to fuck you up.”