Ticket inspector going for some sort of gold medal in being a dickhead

A TICKET inspector has convinced passengers he is taking part in a dickhead contest.

Norman Steele takes great pride in not only catching people who have not paid the correct fare but also in enforcing every kind of law that the train companies will allow him to.

Steele lied: “I take no pleasure in it, but a world without law and order is a world run by chaos. Not on my watch.”

He added: “I’m kind of like a sheriff on these trains. And if they asked me to then, yes, I would carry a gun.

“I would hope to never have to use it, but I’m also a realist.”

Passenger Bill McKay said: “What terrible thing happened to him? Rough divorce? Bullied as a child?

“Or maybe, just maybe, he genuinely wants to be the world’s biggest dickhead.”

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New regulator leads to massive improvement in press behaviour

BRITAIN’S newspapers have undergone a moral transformation thanks to the introduction of a new regulator.

Ipso, created following the Leveson enquiry, has forced tabloids to take a far more ethical approach to reporting – and they have put on millions in sales as a result.

The circulation of the Daily Express has quadrupled thanks to headlines such as ‘Weather to be reasonably normal’, ‘Eastenders star dines with family’ and ‘Migrants enrich tapestry of UK with their culture and enterprise’.

Veteran Fleet Street journalist Tom Logan said: “Cynics said that a body whose Code of Practice Committee is chaired by the editor of the Daily Mail was unlikely to be effective. How wrong they were.

“Last week the Prime Minister and his wife attended a banquet for the Cambridge Boilermakers’ Guild.

“During the meal, Samantha Cameron’s breasts fell out of her dress. The Sun didn’t even mention it; instead, they reported the PM’s speech in full as well as a double-page spread on the history of English boilermaking.

“By the time I got to my newsagent at quarter past eight, they had sold out.”